Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Tough November

November treats me soo bad. The worst month for 2014. 

From day 1, everyday is a hard day for me. Not a single day i feel happy from morning to night. I feel scared to wake up every morning thinking what kind of email im getting. Or will I be stuck in traffic. It just feel soo hard. 

I felt demotivated to work. I feel scared to reply emails or to do any configurations as I scared I'm gonna screw up another thing. That I'm gonna fail again. Or I'm will make people lose their believe in me. 

Yes, to the extend that a simple email of "Thank You, Yana" make me smile. Or "You did a great job". Or "Thanks for your fast response". Simple words that makes me feel happy and motivated to do my work. 

Was in pantry making some tea and my officemate said "Smile liyana, I know its hard. You did good job but nobody care and when you make 1 mistake, everyone know and blame you and make it a big issue. I know you are struggling. You can do it." 

I was speechless to hear that. Never expect something like that from him. Terharu. 

Ingat, Allah takkan uji kalau tak kita mampu terima. I know. Ini ujian. Dugaan. To survive. To be more matured. To be more confident. I always keep this in my mind. As reminder; not to blame other people or the surrounding. 

I will try my best. I know I can. 
You can do this, Yana! 

No, dont worry. I still love my job. And my team. 

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